Gabby's Journey Through the Effed up World of the BIG C

I cannot believe it has been SO long since my last post (so so so sorry!).  I feel so guilty for not keeping up the writing on here but truth is I have been so crazed with the kids, work, planning/celebrating/dominating Double Chai 3-6 birthday, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, traveling, being a new aunt (MAZELSSSSS Malsy and AhDUM) and honestly just being back to the new/improved Gab.

I am going to share two articles that I did for SomethingNavy that properly sum up my last few months since I poured my heart into those pieces.  It truly gives an update on my life, my adventures, my style evolution, my health, and my accomplishments.

I wrote these during Breast Cancer Awareness Month and had a two piece series (which I think was pretty fabulous!).

Pink Is My New Favorite Color

Get Involved: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I am involved in the Basser Organization and was invited to speak during Breast Cancer Awareness Month at the UJA BRCA Panel.  How cool is that? I sat next to my angel oncologist Dr. Robson (what are the odds we are asked to do that together?) as well as others in the professional field.  I was the “patient/survivor” perspective and I know how many others I touched that night with my story.  Truth is, I have always loved public speaking (after all, it is LITERALLY my job); however, there is something special about knowing what I am sharing personally is impacting so many others.  I hope to be included in more and more of these events. (PW is Lionking)

I promise to write a lengthy post soon reflecting on the past year (I am hitting my 1 year of finishing chemo on 12/4!).  Just know that I am doing amazing (still have my moments , trust me!) and taking each day by day/seizing the moment!

XO,

Gab (check out my hair growth and MY NEW NEPHEW SHANE!!).

 

 

 

 

 

EMRACE THE CALM, EMRACE CHAOS.

I was at Soul Cycle a few weeks ago when the instructor Becca (used to teach our Verve location rides) said this mantra which I have repeatedly said to myself everyday since then.  It is particularly true and resonates on so many levels with my life and what is the new normal.  I am back in the Gab groove and thriving on my chaotic life (finally got ear buds which is so out of character but the best thing ever; no more tangled headphones).  I wouldn’t change a thing!  Everyday I thank my lucky stars how great it is to on the other side and to not take advantage of the small things (I constantly think about how many germs I am exposed to through the subways/commuting/work, and how I have yet to get sick!).

May was the BEST month for so many reasons that I am excited to share:

• Woman’s Health Month: My old CRO invited me to speak on a panel for LuckyForks, a remarkable social responsibility service. I was surrounded by such strong women all who have such unique perspective on wellness and what it means; I got to speak in front of such a large, leaned in crowd on my experience and balancing wellness/life/clean beauty (YES BeautyCounter!).  I am still on such a high from that moment and cannot thank Chad enough for thinking of me!  I love that my new colleagues at Vistar came and supported me, and that I got to see all my old colleagues from Verve and Placed (my amazing bestie Sam came and Adam, the best BIL ever).  One thing that I learned is that I want to be on more panels in the future; public speaking is a challenge and I love that it pushes my boundaries.

• Cinco de Mayo: Thank you Marc for letting me do my thing here! What started out as a small gathering last year (with a piñata filled with mini alcohol bottles) became quite the house party this year (rolled 65+ deep!).  It was seriously like a high school party and it felt like we were all waiting to be caught by parents BUT we were the parents.  Everyone came ready to have the best time, and I loved how all friendships merged; elementary school to high school to college to city to Merrick blended so well (that or the lime tequila jello shots were off the charts?!??!).  We have the best friends ever and that nice was by far the best of 2019 (tough choice though between that and Murder mystery?).  I said I was done hosting for the rest of 2019 but that’s just not true; many more fiestas at Casa de Wass.  Stay tuned!!
• Wedding Season: Rent the Runway Unlimited is AMAZING especially when you have a ton of special occasions. Our cousins Eric/Catchy and Brittney/Andrew got married and our kids were in the wedding.  It was so nice to be with family celebrating life, feeling glamorous in these ridiculously beautiful gowns, and watching my professional flower girl/ring bearer go down the aisle.  They are just too delicious and I want to hold on to these moments forever!  Eric and Cathy at their cocktail hour had a Bongo player who was jamming out to Bob Marley; my life was made when Riley ran in and grabbed me and said they are singing “Three Little Birds MOM.  Let’s go”.  My whole family was outside singing “Don’t Worry about a Thing, Every Little Thing is going to be alright!”.  This was our theme song when I was sick and seeing my kids rock out to Bob Marley made my life complete.  Pierce is so proud to be named after him (middle name) and it is just so funny how your kids truly learn from you/embrace what you love.  My dad caught the moment on video and I had to share because its too damn special.
  

  

  
• Portland: Portland, Maine is MAGICAL. What a CHILL city with such great food and energy.  We had the best MDW up there and I highly recommend going, exploring, and stumbling upon the deliciousness everywhere.  It was great to escape before summer truly began!
• Mothers Day: This was a highly emotional day for me. Don’t get me wrong, I mostly am living life and on a high BUT I have my moments where I get super sad for what I experienced.  It is so weird to go back and picture how life was (that’s why I am so grateful I wrote about it because I don’t want to forget) just 6-12 months ago.  I am one of the lucky ones—I found this EARLY and I get to celebrate Mothers Day with my nuggets and my family.  I do not want to take that for granted.

June was been pretty incredible.  We had a wedding in the Hamptons, a great Fathers Day, been loving the beach, my kids finished school, and started Coleman.  The school factor is such a strange feeling— their first day of school I already knew I was sick, and there was such a road ahead with treatment, and the end of the year is time to reflect back.  So wild how time flies and how much has happened, and now I get to celebrate what I accomplished and just how different I am as a person.

Summer time is upon is and I am just taking each day at a time.  I am loving the weather but summer time 2018 is when I found out I had about the C word and I can’t help but associate it together.  I find myself doing self exams all the time, freaking myself out that something I am doing will bring it back, and then I find myself calming down and reminding myself I am doing the best I can and that I did everything right.  I know this will get easier over time but there is a part similar to PTSD.  In the meantime, I am just keeping myself distracted, busy, and appreciating every minute.  Life is just too good to harp on the past, and the only way is to look forward and to celebrate everyday.

I signed up for a Rugged Maniac race in September; my trainer is helping me prepare and getting me pumped for the challenges.  I am living my inner Challenge/MTV persona that I always wanted and cannot wait to give a shot (fingers crossed I finish!).  Watch out Johnny Bananas!  I am also starting to plan my 36th birthday bash (since 35 was stolen from me, we rock out the double chai with a YUGE fiesta).

Marc and I are off to Portugal this weeek with two of our besties who are also celebrating their 10 year anniversary.  Needless to say, this is a trip well deserved.  Any last minute pointers for Lisbon, Porto, and the beaches (we welcome them all!).

Cannot wait to rock the lighter hair (that’s a story for another day; bleach blond was not an option), my Rent the Runway dresses (best thing ever),and celebrate life/health/happiness.

Thanks for everyone the continued support; day by day and just keeping the positivity up!

Thanks!!!

 

 

I have always loved a good celebration and any excuse to cheers for that matter, and we recently just got to do that for my 4 months done with chemo/dominated the big C.  I love when the new month hits the 4^th and I get to add another month of my “new normal” to the book.  There are three days engrained in my brain (which I heard is quite normal after speaking to other survivors) and those are date of diagnosis (7/18), date of surgery (7/28), and date of chemo completion (12/4).  I know those will be hard days but I also am the best version of myself today and I want to more look at them as milestones.

As you know from reading this blog, I am an open book and from the minute I decided to start writing, I wanted to stay committed to it.  Writing was and still is therapeutic but it also allowed me to control the conversation and that was important to me (especially on how we were handling it with my kids; mama bear needs to protect!).  Don’t get me wrong, I have been to places and saw people pointing/side chatting and I know they are discussing my health (gossiping some would say), or feeling bad for me, and moments like that made me question why I put it all out there, BUT I knew deep down inside I was doing the right thing and my purpose was very real.

I have always been someone that is looked at as a resource (restaurants, bars, networking, introducing people when moving to new towns; I guess its another word for yenta) and that is what I am more than ever.  Since my last post alone (3 weeks ago), I have received SO many texts about friends/friends of friends getting genetically tested (all turned out negative, phew!) and have been introduced to over 4 females under the age of 35 who have just been diagnosed. Every single one of them were directed through their connection to me to my blog and told me how much it made them feel better and not alone.  Being able to help guide them has been so helpful for them (and for me in the recovery process).  Of course moving on is incredibly important but I also need a friendly reminder that I am one strong tough cookie and I went through a wild life experience that forever changed me.

Life has been fantastic and my energy level is BACK; I cannot believe how good I feel and I want to embrace it, hug it, and recognize how LUCKY I am.  It is the small things like having jam packed weekends, running around the city like the best lunatic for work, and for being able to pull of this pixie cut.  For real, I know that not everyone looks good with such short hair but somehow it is really working for me; I plan on growing it out still BUT so appreciate everyone being so complimentary and begging me to keep it.  It is sexy but I look forward to the many phases of hair growth and just to having fun.

Lots of positive highlights from the last few weeks:

• Unveiled at last: Thank you Mom and Dad for rotating my head when I was a baby; my head shape is pretty incredible and I know I am lucky that I look fabulous with this hair. Taking the wig off April 1^st was a HUGE moment and I have not looked back.  It was my security blanket but I was so over it and love that I set a deadline/stayed committed.  Cheers to all my new coworkers who made me feel so comfortable on my first day (you have no idea how much it meant to me) and to all my friends/husband/kids who gave me the boost of confidence to just DO IT.  My hair is rapidly growing back and I am getting used to styling it, to rocking new headbands (Amazon has great ones), and to ordering Rogaine in surplus.  I even saw some of Riley’s friends and it was just so natural- one even asked if I donated it (how sweet was she to think of that!).
• First AIRPLANE ride—you do not realize how much of a privilege traveling is until it is stripped from you. I am beyond OCD at this point and wiped down every seat multiple times with wipes but guess what, I flew to Miami and DID NOT GET SICK.  My immune is back baby!!
• Marc and I had the most MAGICAL weekend ever in Miami; it was our first weekend away, his 37^th birthday, and we went with two of my besties from college Elana and Traci (and their awesome hubs Andrew and Jon). Was so nice to sleep, catch up with my girls (how in the world we are here in life is so wild; from dancing on tables all day every day to having kids!), get Vitamin D, beach cocktails, shake our a**. have late dinners with no wake up call, and to own the style in the chicest city ever.
• My girl T-Rap’s 35^th birthday- Axe Throwing is such an experience and is way more difficult than you could imagine! Such a great night and so glad we got celebrate what a fabulous human being you are.
• Dinner with my old Pepsi clients- my soul sisters! So grateful we met and our lives are still intertwined. Gabs, Julia, and Eve—you guys rock and I had the BEST night!  Cannot wait to do this more regularly!!  PS- try The Grille, so so so good and what an experience!!
• Verve Reunion: I struck gold with the family I met at Verve; a lot of us got together this week and catching up was amazing. There is something to say about us “location sharks”; we are hungry, fighters, driven, and all share a common bond that is unexplainable.  Love each of you so much its not normal! Many more to come!
• Electrolysis: Thank g-d for you! Started doing this in the city before work and am already seeing the dynamic shift on my face.  I am no longer the bearded lady. PHEW!!!!!
• Training: A major part of staying healthy and avoiding recurrence (my rate of it is basically the rate of any female at this point) is maintaining a good weight and exercising. I started a local personal trainer this week and our goal is to rebuild all my strength; I definitely lost a lot of upper body strength from the surgeries and am pumped to get that back.  The hysterectomy causes menopause and menopause can cause an early onset of osteoporosis so weight training is KEY.  Also sticking to a vitamin regiment so taking calcium (bones), vitamin D, vitamin B, zinc (hair growth), biosil, probiotics, and biotin.  A healthier lifestyle is key and I am trying my hardest (yet still having fun!).
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I am staying true to my mantra- keeping the spirit up, keeping the drive up personally/professionally, and not letting anything get in my way.

 

Interestingly enough in the last three weeks I was stopped by two individuals who are very spiritual and told me my aura was alarming in a positive way; one said she felt my presence the minute I walked into the room and that it took her breath away.  The word described was “refreshed and rejuvenated”.  I am a big believer in this type of stuff and I explained my entire story and how I truly am the best Gabby Stoller at the moment.  Felt good that others feel it too!

 

We are off to California for the kids break (first real trip all together) and to meet Pierce’s surgeon (lots to process/digest but know in my heart it’s the best decision!).

 

When we get back, lots to look forward to—Cinco, kids activities, weddings, and almost beach season (Dana/Deb, ready to own this summer with my girls! Last one was taken from me and nothing stopping us now!).

 

Thanks for the continued love, support, checking in on me, and for loving the hair; feel free to send any and all headband recommendations (obsessed!).

 

XO

Gab (one haircut in already!)

My new normal is pure chaos and I am LOVING every minute of it.  It is so liberating to be back in the groove with a jam packed calendar and to only look forward.  Don’t get me wrong, I am reminded on the daily about what I experienced (and trust me I don’t want to forget it, after all it shaped me and made me unique) but everything just feels different in the best way possible.

I apologize for the delay in writing but I have had such little time to myself between work, the kids, Marc, friends, and family.  That feels SO good to say!

In the last month there has been so much excitement:

• Cycle for Survival: Huge shout out to Mals who organized our team for the 5^th year in a row; you rock as a team captain and I promise to help you next year (I know, I know, I say that every year BUT you really are just so much better than I am at this). I have not been on such a high in so long—getting up there and sharing my story cancer free (and NO WIG!) was everything.  Being able to spread awareness of BRCA, discuss my journey from start to finish, and look out into the crowd of survivors, current patients, doctors, family/friends, and new coworkers/old coworkers all hanging on to each and every one of my words was incredible.  I wish I could bottle up the emotions I felt that day and bring it everywhere with me. THE BEST ENERGY AND VIBES EVER.

  

  

  

  

• Post Party of Cycle for Survival: Who doesn’t love a good Public House appearance?  I think my last time was definitely in my 20’s and I possibly fell down the stairs but celebrating our teams fundraising (over $30K!) and life was so fun.  Marc said it best in his speech but this marked the end of this chapter for us; it is time to have other topics of conversation and to allow our family to celebrate the small things of everyday life.
• Meeting Sam: Camp friends are just so special; they know you so well and even though so much time could pass, it is just so natural when you see them. Allyson (Echo since 8^th grade) introduced me MANY months ago to her best friend Sam who unfortunately was battling cancer as well.  Sam and I would always check in on each other but have yet to meet in person.  In the middle of March we FINALLY all met up at Cheesecake Factory and it was an instantaneous friendship.  I hate that cancer brought us together BUT feel so lucky you entered my life.  We are such rockstars and I feel honored to know you and to say we are survivors together!!!
• New job: for me, working is a luxury and a passion of mine. I could not be happier with my decision and am already so in love with the product, the people, and the company.  The marketplace is so receptive and I cannot wait to see what is in store for me.
• ENERGY:  I have it.  Yes I need my coffee (almond milk misto with a shot please) but that was always and I just feel like the energizer bunny again. So grateful!
• Exercise: I was cleared to workout and boy does it feel good. I hate those 6 weeks you have to wait for clearance and I pray I never have to face that length of time again.  Loving my classes and being reunited with my Peloton (Emma Lovewell, love you!!!!!).
• BOTOX: I AM BACKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never have I been so pumped to get injections in my face in my LIFE. BRING IT ON and it LOOKS SO GOOD I CANT HANDLE IT.  I know it is absurd to say this but I feel like ME again.  This combined with the broth and beautycounter is the recipe for success.
• Girls Night: I love me a girls night and celebrating Nicole’s (my bone broth goddess) birthday at Hendrik’s was nothing short of amazing. This squad is the absolute best and every time we go out it is just better than the next.  YOUR MY DREAMGIRL (who was that guy!??!?!?!??!).  Cheers to many more magical evenings!  Love you girls!!

April is around the corner and it is going to be AWESOME.

• Markeeeeeeee’s birthday is HERE. We are heading to Miami with friends of ours (Elana, Andrew, Traci, and Jon) and AM I REALLY GETTING ON A PLANE???????????? I cannot believe it is here and that my immune system is really so back that I can actually travel.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• No more wigs.   I am a FREE woman.  I swore as of 4/1 I would rock whatever I got and I am going to do just that.  My kids told me quite some time ago to get rid of the wigs and to be comfortable but I just wasn’t there yet; it is time and Cycle for Survival prepped me for it.  The funny part is that I have replayed the script over and over about what to say to Riley and Pierce’s friends because they are kids and will ask; the truth is, kids adapt and they truly repeat what you tell them.  It is plain and simple, I got a hair cut and always wanted to rock a short look.  And GUESS WHAT – it is hair and it grows back!
• One regret in life I have is not moving after college for a year to Cali.  It is the second best state outside of NY and I wish I experienced life out there for a bit.  We are taking the kids to San Diego and then LA (Pierce’s surgeon consultation); first real trip all together away from the chaos and I cannot wait to soak up every minute with my main crew.  If anyone has any recommendations, we welcome it.  Clearly planned ZERO (life in the red is living on the edge but we should probably have some plans outside of going to Tom Tom and Pump).  We all deserve it!!

 

I thought I would share my speech from Cycle for Survival as a final note to this uplifting blog post.  I am so proud of myself for getting up there, rocking the GI Jane look, and for celebrating months in this new world of mine.

 

https://vimeo.com/322519180?ref=em-share

PW: GAB

Thank you so much for all the support, the love, and for being apart of this entire process for me.  I am forever changed and stronger because of it.

NOW, LET’S MARCH ON!!!

XO

Gab

Let’s begin with where I am currently since I find myself on repetition which to be honest is getting to be kind of a pest at this point.  SO HERE WE GO:  I AM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS,  I AM CANCER FREE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY.  I know it can be kind of weird when you see someone who was in my position BUT please understand I am CLEARED and please do not feel bad for me (after all, pity parties are lame and just cause wrinkles!); feel happy for me that I am stronger mentally (physically is coming once I can work out post surgery!) than I was pre-Big C, that I am the best version of myself right now in this moment, and that I get to be blessed with understanding the true definition of life appreciation.  I ask that each of you everyday stop for just a second and think of a small moment that you are thankful for (mine yesterday was hearing my kids laughing together and saying I love you to each other!).

A lot has happened since the last blog post so I thought it would be best to bullet this out:

• Fresh year, fresh start, NEW JOB. 2019 is my year and I decided it was the time new opportunity to find a role that fit my brand. I officially start the first week of March (still in media, ad tech!) and CANNOT WAIT. I am beyond pumped and so ready to get back into the groove and to be on that LIRR with a Starbucks in my hand and running around Manhattan like a lunatic.   Working on my first day outfit (project for this week!).
• Hair Growth. I swear prior to this I was not a hairy person; in fact, it was always blond-ish and I was the last person to develop. I remember in junior high on kickline when all my friends were shaving their armpits and legs, and I was the one in the corner with ZERO hair. Holy MOLY, not only is the hair on my head coming in real quick for being almost 3 months out BUT places I never had to even think about are now top of mind. I had to wax my mustache the other week; this was foreign territory to me and I was not ignoring it prior, I really never had a hair there. I got a facial and the facialist put that giant spotlight on my face, and danced around the subject (she’s like I am sure your skin has changed and it looks fabulous BUTTTTTTTTT I am seeing some hair on your lip and chin…I said lady you will not hurt my feelings, can you help me out….this is new territory for Gabby…she ran to get the wax!). I got peach fuzz all over my face and am seriously thinking about calling Barnum Bailey to see how much they charge for the Bearded Lady.
  

  
• My new girls: LOOK DAMNNNNN GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Showed lots of my girlfriends (and of course Wass!) and got 1.5 weeks until I am out of this compression bra and FREE as a bird.
• Beautycounter.  While chemo is no walk in the park, I swear it made my skin the best it has been in years. I wish I had a before cancer picture of my cabinets and products; post cancer, I threw out everything and completely changed my beauty regiment. I love make up and skin products but one thing I learned is how poor products are made. I will only use safe, natural products. I did lots of research and found several brands that are incredibly safe, and after going through this, I want to control what I can and beauty is an area I can take the reigns on. I started using Beautycounter during chemotherapy and loved it so much that I became a consultant for them (new job, new side job; I thrive in chaos!). Feel free to check them out (personal favorites are their Brilliant Brow Gel, the Countermatch line, and the Velvet Eyeshadow Classic Palette), ask me any questions, and here is the link to buy (zero pressure!!!!!): https://www.beautycounter.com/gabbystoller

• Somethingnavy: I am sure you are all familiar with Somethingnavy, an incredibly famous, talented influencer. I was asked to write about my journey for their website (I am still seriously freaking out about this!) and it went live a few weeks ago. As you know, my goal is to help others, to influence woman to get checked and be proactive, and to be a resource. I am so thankful that she used her platform to build awareness. Check out my article here: https://somethingnavy.com/__trashed-2/
• Cycle for Survival: I am officially a guest speaker at our Cycle for Survival Event on 3/9; that will be my first debut without a wig (outside of my house which I never wear anything unless we have company).  We have been riding for 5 years and I never thought I would be the one on stage. After all, I did everything right BUT life can take a crazy turn and am I glad to be on the other side and sharing my story. I have two minutes to speak about why I cycle, my journey, and how Sloan Kettering is involved in my life. ONLY TWO MINUTES? I can go on for hours about Sloan and how they not only saved my life but my moms BUT I got this. We will tape it and I will share next post; my slot is at Grand Central Equinox at 11am if you are around and feel like joining. So excited to ride with my team this year, and there is still plenty of time to donate!! Link below: http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/CycleforSurvival/CycleforSurvival?px=3064685&pg=personal&fr_id=3231&fbclid=IwAR3uTImkZcGu3yHB4hmILJX83XkIlPnZgEBWVr8jKZHWCix0eGMu66TtgxY
• College Girls Weekend: I am so freakin lucky with how many QUALITY friends I have; I got to spend the weekend in the city at the Four Seasons FiDi (fancy!!!!) with two of my best friends from college, Elana and Leah. We had SO much to celebrate—marriage, babies, and health. We had spa appointments, sushi (love Nobu downtown), went to sleep early (so tame compared to our days in AEPHi!), and had brunch. It was perfect in everyway and just SO nice to hang, laugh, catch up like no time has passed, and to be together. We promised every year to do this at least once; next time in Philly!

 

• Upcoming Trips/Travel: 2019 is BUSY and I have yet to get on a plane since June 2018; lots of fun coming our way. First Miami in April with my BU ladies, then California with the fam to meet Pierce’s surgeon, then Portugal with the Oilmans (how we are pulling this off is still beyond me but AHHHHH!!!!!), then Woodloch Pines with the Stoller’s, then back to California for Pierce’s surgery in December. Any and all recommendations are WELCOME!!! Email me especially for Portugal as we are in the hard core planning phase; going to Lisbon, Porto (duh), and Lagos.

 

Now that I covered everything fabulous, there of course is still health related shenanigans I am dealing with.  I was beginning to get into my new normal groove and felt the best I have since September BUT I needed a reminder that I just had MASSIVE surgery.  I saw my surgeon last Friday (we hug because these doctors are officially my besties) and she let me know I was healing incredibly well and ahead of schedule; I got an internal and from there it went downhill.  The next day I had some discomfort and Sunday night I was healing over with stomach pain and a fever of 102.7.  I popped two Tylenol and the next morning my fever was still super high so I went to Mercy Hospital (affiliated with MSK).  Sure enough after hours of testing, CT scans, and more needles/blood work than I could imagine, it was determined that I had an infection.  My surgeon from MSK felt it was best I was under Sloan’s care so I took an ambulance from Mercy to MSK; I stayed for two nights, and three days.  The good news is my levels were tested again and outside of my WBC (infections make those rise!), everything was NORMAL; this was not related to my resistance (yay!) and was very likely a surgical complication.  THANK THE LORD!!!!!!! My nurse Kerry was an angel; I was an emotional mess and she was my therapist. Listen, I held it together for the most part from July-January BUT just when I was back to living my life healthfully and not sick (no more strep!), this happens and derails our February break plans (just so thrilled we got to take Riley to see Aladdin; she LOVED and actually sat through it!).  I am just happy to be back home with the nuggets, to have no more fever, and to be feeling REALLY good.  Fingers crossed this is the end of it (got 1.5 weeks until the recovery period from surgery is still here!).

HUGE Thanks to my parents and sister who did not leave my side and to Marc for playing mommy/daddy/supporting husband again and to Tara for visiting me; I needed you all so much and you were the exact support team to make me smile (and to wipe my tears since I was a hot mess).  Cheers to my friend Nicole who said “at least this will be good for the blog!”; touché my love!!

Next post will be after Cycle for Survival, and until then I will be eating sushi, keeping it tame, being the designated driver, enjoying time with my family and friends, watching lots of TV (currently binging YOU, Mrs. Maisel season 2, and Versace), laughing/smiling, and observing my hair growth. ROCK ON!!

XO,

Gab (CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH, MORE HAIR THAN GI JANE!!!).

 

 

 

Twas the night before surgery, and like rinse & repeat, my sister and I took Soul Cycle at Grand Central after work (cannot physically work out for 6 weeks post surgery; wahhh!) and had our last sleepover for this chapter (life is just beginning!).  We tapped it back, we laughed, I cried as always in Soul, we sweat, and we ordered in Baby Bo’s (might as well stuff our face with guacamole, right?).  I figured with surgery the next morning I did not know the next time I could eat and city Mexican food is just so damn good.

Things had a way of working out and I got scheduled for the first surgery on Wednesday (2019 is my year!) which meant a 5:45am arrival for Markeeee and I and surgery/sleeping/knocked out by 7:30am.  WAS THE OFFICIAL END SERIOUSLY HERE?  The fake end was 12/4 which we had to celebrate because WHY NOT but the real end was 1/23.  I woke up bright and early ready to rock, washed myself in Hibiclens, wore my fave sweatsuit with lightning bolts (thanks Storm!) and sparkly hat that got so many compliments (thanks Dennys!), and arrived promptly at Sloan with a giant smile on my face.   Marc and I were laughing that I was seriously the youngest person by 20+ years in the waiting room; I guess it makes me unique!

I woke up from surgery with the determination to go home that night; it is all a major daze (love me those painkillers!) but in order to get released you have to pee (who would think that could be so difficult considering I have the bladder of a 90 year old) and be a bit coherent.  Somehow I magically was able to get up, walk around, walk to the bathroom and PEE.  It felt like a small victory!   It was so emotional that day in like the best way possible; I was all drugged up and so happy that this was now for real seriously behind me BUT also like did it really happen?  It was the weirdest yet best feelings and we all just cried happy tears (that’s what Riley and Pierce like to call them).

Back to Valley Stream to the parents and my childhood bedroom we go where I would be attended to 24/7 (my Mom and Dad really are the best).  Wednesday night was the worst night of sleep I had this entire time and worse than any night I had with either of my children (yes, it was that bad); you try sleeping with drains dangling from you after having multiple surgeries.  I woke up Thursday LITERALLY in the worst pain I have experienced in the 6 months.  Not only did I have the exchange but I also did a proactive hysterectomy; the BRCA gene increases risk heavily for breast and ovarian, and I decided it was the right time to take control and remove those bad boys too. You need your abdominal for everything and I know mine is strong but GOSH every movement on Thursday was torture.  The only direction was UP from here and I am so grateful that every day after that is exactly what happened.  The kids and Marc visited a bunch which was medicine (in addition to my Oxy), and I was ready by break out by Monday (sorry Mom and Dad but going home meant this was ALL OVER for real; end of scene!).

I went to the Plastic Surgeon Tuesday and got my drains removed (insert George Michael FREEDOM all over again!), and got to see the goods.  WOW, do they look good! I am ready for prime time and to rock this in a bathing suit this summer (watch out Malibu!).  Feels good to be home eating dinner with Marc, watching our reality shows (Ex on the Beach was first), and to put the kids to bed.  It feels even better knowing that I am home FOREVER and that there is no more redemption house at my parents; it really is OVER and the kids just get it.  They have grown up so much over the last six months and are just such incredible nuggets; Marc, thanks for being mommy/daddy but remember your co-captain was really directing behind the scenes (come on, I got to toot my own horn!).

I am spending the next week or so fully recovering and waiting for approval to begin driving again.  Day by day is the motto, and every day my smile is bigger and bigger knowing what I just accomplished and that I am a freakin rockstar.  I am also so pleased with my hair growth (pics to follow next blog I promise, I am just lazy); I officially am fully covered, could actually walk around without anything, and my eyebrows/eyelashes are back (do not even need to pencil them in!).  I attribute a lot of it to Rogaine, taking good care of myself physically with lots of vitamins/eating healthy/exercising, and my girl Nicole Firestones bone broth (follow her @ nikkisliquidgold).  Bone Broth is the most soothing soup of all time and it is like a giant hug every sip; it helped me post chemo bounce back, and I swear my skin is glowing and my eyebrows/lashes are back because of it.  More to come on that but get your orders in because this is LEGIT!

I thought it would be fun to outline the top 5 moments during this chapter labeled “The Big C”.  Yes, it is sick that I am seriously able to do this.

• Birthday Ride at iSpin. We raised $7200, donated to BRCA Foundation, and got to sweat it out for such a good cause (and how cool that in my condition I was able to keep up the pace!).
• The Today Show. So awesome to represent the women fighting during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Despite the fact that I almost fainted, it was such a great day for such an amazing cause.  Love that my kids were so proud of seeing me on my TV and that they helped with the posters; their little faces when I came home was like I was famous.
• My last chemo. Crossing the chemical finish line was EVERYTHING.  Not one person (well anyone who mattered) forgot it was my last one, and the love/support I felt from Sloan and family/friends was simply the best.  My support system is why I had a smile from start to finish (don’t get me wrong I had some bad days) and it sucks getting cancer, but seeing how amazing your circle is just remarkable.
• Murder Mystery Party. I mean….did you see those pics?  Getting to wear my red wig for a costume was so damn fun and this crowd is just good vibes only.
• Garden City Hotel Stay and my whole birthday week. Marc, you are my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life, and my rock.  I always said that this could have made us stronger or broke us, and I am so happy that to say it made us a force to be reckoned with.  We got this crazy thing called life down to a tee and anything that comes our way if I got you by my side, I am golden.  Love you so much!!

Next up is our Cycle for Survival Ride in NYC; I am SPEAKING and so excited to share my story with the thousands of riders (think that will be my first public experience sans wig! AHHHHH!).  I hope to provide inspiration and to become a resource to those with the BRCA gene or those who have yet to be tested.  We have an aggressive goal and I am hopeful a lot of you will donate and support my family; the Stollers have been doing this ride for 5 years but this year we dedicate to Gab!

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/CycleforSurvival/CycleforSurvival?px=3064685&pg=personal&fr_id=3231&fbclid=IwAR3uTImkZcGu3yHB4hmILJX83XkIlPnZgEBWVr8jKZHWCix0eGMu66TtgxY

So much more to come as the next chapter of my life begins!  Thanks again for everything and for your support!  Continue to follow me as I navigate the new normal and as I begin to have A LOT OF FUN (so much ahead!).

XO

New & Improved Gab Stoller Wasserman

 

 

 

 

Unicorns. Magical. Fairies. Money falling from the sky. Winning the lotto.  Client deals on a the daily.  This is what I pictured 2019 being for me.  Nothing could go wrong and it is the Year of Gab.  I am untouchable and unstoppable.  Well, there have been SO many good times so far (New Years & Murder Mystery Party are clear standouts), I have also had a hard dose of reality that I am not fully back mentally, emotionally, and physically.

To me, 2019 is a new beginning (when that ball dropped, I cried hysterically; happy/sad tears.  2018 was not my best but it was in the past and I wanted to MARCH FORWARD).  It is a reset.  Everyone says their New Years Resolutions and we try REAL hard to stick to them.  Mine is simple.  Stay healthy, be mindful of my health, make smarter decisions, stick to my vitamin regiment, and keep exercising.  Seems easy enough one would think!

Right after I wrote my last post, I legit rested for a week and put myself on house arrest (luckily I love mi casa).  After feeling like I escaped from cancer prison for such a short amount of time, my freedom was stripped away from me after getting 102.  Clearly the world was not ready for Gabby Stoller yet.  After I finished my last round, I was told to resume life as “normal” (seriously what the eff does that mean).  Don’t they know what Gabby Stoller “normal” is?  Don’t they understand that I move a million miles an hour and sitting is not a part of my vocabulary.  I threw myself back into the world full steam ahead and felt the repercussions.  Pre-Big C, Marc and I booked our December trip to Marco Island with the kids; the entire time I was going through chemo, our mantra was “the beach” and just getting there.  I had this picture in my bald head how I would be laying on the beach with SPF75 (duh), listening to Dave Matthews, and my kids would be running and playing by the ocean, and that would be that moment of pure joy.  All I wanted to see was my family in a different location with lots of sunshine and smiles. After all, whether they realize it or not, we just went through a major life obstacle, and deserved to celebrate.

By far the biggest disappointment was having to cancel Florida.  I cried and cried and cried.  How could the one thing that was my vision board throughout the entire 5 months be stripped away from me?  How was I going to tell my kids who knew this trip marked the end of mommy not being able to travel?  All the doctors said I could go but my gut told me no; after getting 102 and being hospitalized, I just knew that a plane is a petri dish and there was no way I could put my body in risk.  G-d bless my husband who is just the most understanding man in the world and dealt with my libra brain as we toggled back and forth; at the end of the day, Marco Island will always be there and when I go, I will be able to not be as much of a worry wart about germs.

We took the kids to Rocking Horse Ranch which was so much fun for the kids and at the very same time made my skin crawl.  The place is SO cute and has so many fun activities but there are kids EVERYWHERE along with signs that say “germs are everywhere during this time of the year”.  Super comforting for someone who just finished chemo!  I figured if I don’t get sick from there, my immune system is back.  I love a good challenge!  Sure enough, we lived outdoors and did skiing, snow tubing, and ice skating; as a family, we had the best time and my kids asked if we could move there.  Well Gabby 1, Rocking Horse Rach 0; despite all those nuggets running around and everyone coughing everywhere, this girl managed to be in the clear.

What I am beginning to realize is that while my attitude has been pretty fantastic throughout the big C, the post experience is just different.  It is more of a mindfuck (pardon my language) than anything else.  On one end, I am on a high for accomplishing such a wild adventure, and on the other, I am still not sure how to proceed with life as “normal”. The only way I know how is to throw myself back into it, to go to my kids activities, to spend time with my Markeeeee, to go back to work, to go out on a Saturday night, and to say YES to everything.  Those things distract your brain from thinking about what you JUST went through.  While all of that is great and the things that I love and missed, you almost have PTSD and start feeling guilty for living again.

Just when you start feeling like you got your groove back, there are obstacles that get in your way.  First one I had was right before the New Year where I felt another lump on my right side (I knew it was almost impossible but I am forever changed and not lax).  I put a giant X on it and called Sloan immediately.  Being that it is the holiday, doctors are away and I have to wait until the New Year to see them.  Sure enough (insert PHEW!), it was a bone and I had a matching one on the other side.  They comforted me and told me this is totally normal and that I am welcome to come visit whenever I need someone to inspect me.  I told them I will be back for “feel ups” every month just to comfort me mentally.  Plus any excuse to show off my new babies ;). Second obstacle was this week when I had 103 and found out I have strep throat.  I mean I know it is the time of year BUT seriously go infect someone else outside of the Wass household; I am sorry but it is someone else’s turn.  LEAVE ME the EFF ALONE.  I promise you I will drop off soup at this persons house, I will even pay their copay at the doctor, and I will text and check in everyday. I am sorry to all of you out there, I love you dearly, but my turn is over.  Because of you strep (and for everyone spreading it), I had to push my surgery back and I had to miss one of my closest friends 40^th birthday parties (Seth, I will make it up to you!).  1/16 was the date on my calendar that was highlighted, bolded, had a giant circle around it since October.  Now it is 1/23 which is only a week BUT still it is a disappointment and requires moving my entire life/kids lives around.  I refuse to let anything get in the way this time and will basically be going to work and then home until then.  This surgery is happening and whoever/whatever gets in my way, I would watch out (Valley Stream Gab will be unleashed; insert Christina Aguilera Fighter song).

Outside of having to cancel my trip and getting strep, there have been many incredible memories in 2019 and I am still confident this is the Year of Gab.  As Marc says we are only 12 days in Gab, think about everything we have done so far.  Let’s list these bad boys out:

• Hair Growth: I look like GI Jane; I would say I am one to two months away from being able to rock this look sometimes (the wigs will still be a HUGE part of my life).
• New Years 2019: What is better than a PJ party and close friends? Thank you Firestones for having us, for serving the Peruvian chicken that I can’t get enough of, and for the good times.  Love everyone there and what a way to kick off 2019!
  

  
• Riley’s Sleepunder: All Riley wanted for her 6^th birthday was to have some girls sleepover; we were a no sick zone so that was a no go so I promised her at end of December she could have some girls over for a sleepunder. She had the BEST time and so did the girls; made me so happy to do that for her!
• Back at work: it is beyond freeing to get on train (HOLLLLA TRAIN CREW), get on the subway (of course with gloves and a ton of antibacterial), walk the streets of NY with my Positive Vibes playlist, and to get WORK EMAIL.  Ready to crush 2019!!!  Bring it!
• Skiing: I have not gone skiing in over 10 years.  Last time I went with Sam, Hunter, Dani, and Zach and they know how that ended; I fell off the ski lift, tried to climb back up, cried my way to letting someone drive me down, and then sat by myself in the ski lodge for HOURS.  Time before that, I was 13 (I believe) fell on my family friend Ben and laughed so hard I peed in my pants (I really am SO sorry!).  Needless to say when Riley asked me at Rocking Horse Ranch, I was hesitant BUT could not say no to that face; she was so fearless and I had to embrace it.  I am SO happy I did—YOLO.  I cannot wait to go skiing again and to take some lessons (bunny hill of course).  WARNING: This video is ridiculous (thanks Marc for capturing and for all your laughs and ZOOM capabilities; yes that is Riley kicking her moms a**).
• Murder Mystery Party: Marc and I love to have a party house. For those who have experienced it, I think it is safe to say, that you never not have a good time at the Wass casa.  We/I decorate the house like cray (I mean there was a mini pinball machine and giant blow up 80s phones/boomboxes), make sure there is far too much food/booze, and only invite GOOD VIBES.  Outside of Cinco de Mayo, this was my favorite party ever.  The crew ROCKED it.  Everyone showed up in their assigned character, transformed into the 80s genre, and came over ready to have a good time. It was ABSURD on so many levels and the most fun freakin night.   Pictures below will give you enough of a vision of how fun we are, how awesome our friends are, and how outrageous costumes were (any excuse for me to wear that red wig!).
  

  

I am debating hiding in a bubble for the rest of January BUT what fun would that be? J  I am going to be super cautious until the surgery and then February is MINE.  Until then, I am going to embrace that not everyday is going to be rainbows and sunshine and that I am allowed to have hard moments/days.  Like I said, this is the weirdest transition period of my life but I am adjusting and learning everyday (what is better than that; if you are not learning, your life is boring).

Happy New Year everyone!  Cheers to 2019, cheers to change, cheers to accepting not everyday is “magical”, cheers to being healthy (cancer free, not strep), and cheers to being with family/friends.

Next post will be after surgery!

XO

Gab (SO SO SO SO CLOSE: at the 25 mile mark!)

After 5 months, it is the best feeling to say I AM DONE.  I DID IT.  A few days before the last round, I was chatting with the Cycle for Survival Team about my public speaking opportunity at the upcoming March event, I literally (verbatim) said out loud, “this was just such an amazing experience”.  I laughed after and said to the Business Development Team, I cannot believe I just described cancer like that (I mean, who seriously does that), and then explained how I learned so much about myself, my strength, a deeper appreciation for my family and friends, how cool I am, and how each day should be lived to the fullest.  Jen Oilman, I guess that is the rose glasses in me (best compliment ever!) J

I thought I would write the next blog immediately after I completed the last round on 12/4 but I truly couldn’t verbalize the emotions I was feeling.  I decided to sit on it for a few weeks and process the war my body just went through.  It is so strange to be done but yet so exciting; it is weird to not have appointments every week, and it is incredibly hard to know that I am cured yet I look like a cancer patient (still sporting my Doug cartoon character hair, full eyebrows (phew!), and 25% of my eyelashes).  I was ready for everything and anything that Round 8, also known as 100%, could have brought me but the truth is, it was not that too bad!  I am attributing it to the company that came to my chemo suite that last round and to having my most favorite nurse ever, Thierry.  I had Markeeeeee, my sister, my mom, my two mentors (Chad & JB), Jamie & Nancy Jeuda (seeing the 100% sign in your window meant the world!), and a surprise visit from T-Rap (obsessed with our soul sister bracelets; its officially never leaving my body).  Needless to say, I was achy for a few days but this time solely in the legs versus from head to toe, and I just slept A LOT.  I hate even complaining about it because at the end of the day, it was the last one and that is all that mattered.  Excited for my body to get adjusted to life post chemo and to start stabilizing; after all, this chickadee is back to the grind January 2^nd (can’t wait!!).

I thought it would be fun to outline a lot of my revelations and the things (some super little) I now have a deeper appreciation for:

• Sushi: You knew this was happening.  This Friday night, Mals, Adam, Marc, and I went to Arata.  Every bite melted in my mouth and I could have cried of pure bliss.  That last Tuna with a peanut sauce in the 10 piece omakase meal was MAGICAL.  I licked the entire plate clean.  I hope and pray I never have to give this up ever again!
• I love my kids (like more than anything) but being home for the last 5 months confirms that I am meant to be a working mom. I could never replace the amount of time I got to spend with them and I am so grateful I got to see them flourish, but this girl needs a J-O-B.  Ready to hustle, crush it, get back my patience, and am heading into 2019 with a new head (and hair, wigs, hats) on my shoulders (literally!).
• Peloton: Thank you for keeping me company, for making me motivated to still keep my body in check, and for being an in home solution.  Emma Lovewell, your groove rides, make Gabby happy.  Thank you for making it similar to Soul Cycle, for making me sweat on the daily, and for making me smile.
• Sloan Kettering. You saved my life.  I promise you the rest of mine will be lived to the fullest, and I am going to continue to take such good care of myself.  I cannot thank you enough for catching this so early, for being so vigilant, for hiring the best doctors/nurses, and for being the BEST hospital and most knowledgeable.  You truly are experts.
• Hair.  I long for the days I can get a blow out.  I knew I was going to lose it all, but I did not really pay attention or do any research on the actual timeline for growing back.  It is going to take A LONG TIME, and I am working through that now (I really thought I was the exception to the rule but that is just not life).  Already researching cute headbands, pixie cuts, and know that I will rock it (because after you go through this, you just say f*ck it and OWN IT).
• Great skin care & make up products. Oddly (minus the crows feet), my skin has never been better.  Thank you chemo for not making me break out!  Best products are Beautycounter, Drunk Elephant, Cetaphil, Tarte, and First Aid Beauty.  I am super cautious about products now and these are all made so well/safely.
• Family.  Needless to say, my support team could not be topped.  I felt for people at Sloan who were there alone, and I was basically hosting a party every other week.  There was a family member there with me every single round, and you all did not leave my side for 5 months.  I always knew how amazing you all were, and how lucky I was, but when times are tough, we all just come together in this way that is so special.  Love you all so much, and Marc, THANK YOU for being my rock (we got stronger because of this and that is so cool!!).
• My nuclear circle. I have the BEST friends in the entire universe. Everyone should be envious at how freakin awesome my friends are.  Every single one rose to the occasion, checked in on me all the time, was there for me at all hours of the day, helped with my kids, was there for Marc, and gave me the love/support I needed to conquer the shiat out of this. I struck gold with all of you!
• Paulette (Paul Paul). You are my childrens second mother and make my house function.  Not only did you take care of my two kids and make sure they did not skip a beat, you took care of me.  You were my therapist, friend, and family during all of this and I could not have gotten through this without you by my side.
• The girls I have met through this. I have been connected to so many strong women through this process.  Cheers to all of us for overcoming this together, for being each others shoulders to laugh/cry on, and for sharing our stories.  Couldn’t have done this without you!
• My home & Merrick. My house is my peaceful place; it is so zen and has great energy.  I was truly able to take care of myself and relax and there was days at end I did not leave my house; that is a testament to have magical it is because in general I cannot sit still.  I could not imagine going through this anywhere else but Merrick.  I am surrounded daily by such incredible people, and EVERYONE (whether we are besties, our kids are in school together, or friends of friends) was SO supportive.  Thank you for all the carpools, for dropping by with bags of groceries, for just ringing my doorbell for a hug, and for constantly checking in on me to see if I needed anything.   Marc and I feel so blessed that we moved here, that we met all of you, and that we have made friends who are family at this point.

Up next is my final surgeries are in the middle of January and that has a two week recovery; I am resting (need it! Got 102 yesterday and was sent to the hospital), getting my body strong and prepared for it (lots of weights, vitamins, Peloton).  Nothing can compare to what I already went through, and I know that this will seem like a cake walk versus chemo.  On a positive note, I will officially be replacing my expanders with implants (I know Marc is pumped!) and will be reducing my risk of ovarian cancer to minimal (BRCA gene is both ovarian & breast).  Feels nice to be in control of this one and these final decisions!

I have been asked if I am going to continue writing, and the answer is yes; it may be less frequent given I am back at work soon but I am going to provide updates on my “new normal”, my doctor appointments, my hair growth, and resources I have found helpful in this chapter.

Thank you SO much for following along my journey! Cheers to Chapter 2 and as Ariana Grande would say, THANK YOU, NEXT.

XX

Gab (100% and READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD!)

PS- Anyone been to Portugal and have their itineraries? Our 10 year is coming up and we are starting to plan!!

12/4 has become the new milestone in my house.  Everyday Riley and I walk to the calendar hanging on the wall and count down the days (and I obviously have an app on my phone that updates daily to keep the excitement going).  7 Days. HOLY MOLY.  7 days until my last treatment.  7 days until my “new normal”.  7 days until I can eat sushi.  7 days until the chemo chapter has closed.  7 days until I can use women’s Rogaine (I laugh every time I say this).  I could cry on demand for how I feel when I think about what I have accomplished and HOW DAMN CLOSE the finish line is.  I can taste the victory and trust me, I am ready to take on the world and can do just about anything I set my mind to (love that George Harrison song) after this.

I have always said I have no regrets.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason (even getting cancer!) and that following your gut instinct will lead you the decision you were meant to make.  Well, slight lie, one regret was not studying abroad but Gabby and extra paperwork don’t go well together (part of living life in the red). Although, because I did not go abroad, I traveled the globe with my common law marriage wife Sam (another red person) for a month post college and that was pretty epic (we can leave the absinthe story in Prague with a drunk dial to Marc for another time).

Each chapter of your life is an opportunity to learn and to grow, and to evolve your character.  From being in media and advertising for so long, I focus a lot on brands and their persona in the marketplace.  After taking a step back from work during this process, I have had a lot more time to think about myself and my “brand”.

It is kind of funny but ever since I have been diagnosed, I swear I have become like a Buddha and am viewed as very Zen by friends.  I have always been someone that people share their secrets with because I am a vault (I cannot STAND blabber mouths; if someone shares something personal, assume it is not meant to be repeated!) but it has now been elevated to a new level.  What a great distraction for me, and I absolutely love that I am someone friends confide in, ask advice from, and that they trust.  What a great brand to have!

On Sunday, I experienced a forever memory.  We are a pretty open household in the sense that we don’t gloss over things and try to explain in as much depth as possible for what is appropriate (a great therapist helps with that!).  My son Pierce was trying on a stethoscope and pretending to be a doctor, and he noticed that only one side fit in his ear and the other was not.  He said “Mommy, I can’t find the other ear”; I immediately walked over to him, and said “Pierce, you were born extra special, and what makes you so special is that you only have one ear.  Just remember how special you are”  Pierce understands he has one ear, that he has hearing loss, that he wears a device that helps him hear better, but this was like the first real time experience where he processed it from start to finish in a play setting.  It is our job as parents to build your kids up and make them super confident; that day, Pierce walked away with a pep in his step. It led to me think even more about my brand and how my experience makes me different/unique and therefore special.  You see Pierce, Mommy and you are the MOST special and we are the pure example of when life hands lemons, make lemonade.  I am SO proud of you and know one day when you can understand what I went through when you were three, that you will be of me too!

Isn’t this the most magical time of the year?  Thanksgiving is by far my most favorite holiday.  Dipping the turkey in cranberry sauce, unlimited red wine (not this year BUT I will be back in 2019!), forgetting any form of a diet/monitoring, and being with my family is the absolute best.  8 months ago if you asked me what I would be doing on Thanksgiving, I would state all the above.  Move to the current situation, and I had chemo the Tuesday of Thanksgiving week and needless to say, I was not 100%. Round 7 was definitely not as tough as rounds 1, 5, & 6 but Thursday and Friday were not my best.  Luckily, the Claritin, Advil, being surrounded by entire family, creating new traditions (love you cousins!), and helping my mom prepare and cook, kept me quite distracted.  This year we went around the table and went through what we are grateful for – obviously, it was a sob fest.  Marc said it best by saying he was grateful for early detection.

I thank my lucky stars EVERYDAY that I knew I had the BRCA gene, that I was so top of my health and under surveillance, that my diagnosis is what it was, and that I was cancer free in July (I always have to explain this part BUT the chemo is truly an insurance policy; I HAD breast cancer, I do not currently have breast cancer!).  I am TRULY blessed!!!

I want to do a few shoutouts and key highlights:

• Round 7: My dad, Mals, Marc, Allie Cat, and my girl Thiery (best nurse ever!!). Thanks for keeping me such good company, for keeping the chatter constant, for making me laugh, and Allie Cat, those gorgeous roses (you need to open up your own flower shop for real!).  We faced Jamie’s window this time (nurses know to put me there!) and seeing the sign change to 1 more to Go was EVERYTHING.  Jamie & Jon, the nurses at Sloan LOVE you, and are obsessed with what you are doing (me too, duh!).
• Leah Howard (now Zahal): So sad to have missed your wedding BUT you looked absolutely amazing and could not be happier for you. Cannot believe you surprised me with the hand knit hat; love it so much, it is so special, and it is already part of my fall/winter wardrobe (perfect for over the halo!).  Elana and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face in February!
• Mals and Adam: Feel like you get one every blog post but that’s because you guys are so freakin amazing. Thanks for taking Riley to the parade, for taking P/R bowling on Sunday, for helping us out so much with the kids, and for being the best support system EVER.  LOVE YOUR FACES.
• Mom & Dad: You outdid yourselves with Thanksgiving! You made taking care of me and preparing for such a high pressure food holiday look like such a breeze.  I joke around that I feel like Britney Spears when she was under her parents control (hey, we do have matching haircuts although hers was more by choice) BUT I am so lucky you live so close and would do anything for your kids.
• TV Shows: Still binging Orange is The New Black (4^th season!), loving all my Housewives, Ozark, I Am Sorry (Netflix, super cute, thanks Ali Brenner for recommendation!).
• Best part of everything is that every invite we get now is for past 12/4, and I can actually be the YES girl again (well until my surgery 1/16).
• Made my first Botox appointment (WOOHOO!), first real sushi meal (Arata and then Tanoshi), lots of celebration dinners (thanks to Marc and all my girls for organizing so many fun festivities). So excited to go to the supermarket (lame I know) and to take my kids to a birthday party (never thought I would say that).
• Pumped to return to work, be in the grind of NYC, ride the LIRR, and to get work email (yes, that sounds nuts BUT so me).

This week is an off week and I plan on enjoying myself now that I am out of the Chemo FUNK (cue in Bruno Mars).  Lots of exercise (yay Craze), spending time with the kids, hanging with the greatest souls of all time Dana (her adorable munchkin Ari) and Debbie, seeing the RVC crew, and celebrating Hanukkah (my house will be DECKED).

Thanks for riding this journey with me, and let the countdown begin (1 more week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

XO

87.5% and Peach Fuzz

Thursday night of my last off week was so bittersweet.  I was beyond excited for my girls weekend with my besties since childhood (so lucky to have such a squad who know everything about me and it is just effortless in the best way possible); at the same time, I was SO sad to be missing my cousin Jill’s wedding and being with my entire family.  Pierce kept asking why I could not go and while Riley understood, she expressed how upsetting it was.  I put on a brave face and as soon as that door shut when they left, I couldn’t help but cry. After a solid 15 minutes, I composed myself, put on the Real Housewives of Orange County, and passed out alone in my house (I cannot think of the last time it was just me for a solo night). Like a lunatic, I checked behind the shower curtains, put the alarm on, and basically slept with half the lights on (SVU is one of my fave shows!).  As I am sure you have gathered, I hate missing anything and have the worst case of FOMO, but feeling like my kids were disappointed was not fun.  I knew it was the right decision for my health—after all, a plane during cold/flu season is the MOST contaminated place when it comes to germs (have you seen those news articles!), and I could not risk getting sick and pushing out my treatments.

Markeeeeee—you are crushing the dad game.  I mean, I could not help but laugh out loud picturing you with the double stroller, a giant suitcase, and two kids both ways on the plane.  You did it and you deserve a medal!  Thank you Mal & Adam for helping on the way down and for being such an incredible aunt & uncle the whole weekend (what would we do without you!).  Special shout out to my parents and my rockstar sister and brother in law for helping Marc all weekend, and for making sure Riley and Pierce were the cutest freakin flower girl and ringbearer. My kids were so distracted all weekend with all the love/attention, that I was old news (and that is a-okay!!!).

Girlfriends are just the best medicine— they took such good care of me and I was laughing from Friday to Sunday. While I hate that the Big C brought us all together that weekend, it was long overdue and everyone of us smiled for 48 hours straight. I need to explain my friendship with Jamie because it is one of those that is so special it deserves it’s a description. Jamie and I have been best friends since pre-school (go Temple Emanuel!) and we grew up two blocks apart (Green Acres is the place to be!).  We have been through EVERYTHING together and were attached at the hip from elementary school through high school.  All of our firsts were together (as well as all the times we got in trouble!), and only times we separated were sleepaway camp and then college.  Since going off to BU and Oswego, Jamie moved to the Midwest and I was forever bound to NY (my voice and accent would not be accepted anywhere else).  Distance never got in the way of our friendship, and Jamie is by far the BEST at keeping in touch.  You see, anyone who meets Jamie is instantly changed.  She is simply the best—great vibes, so fun, easy to connect with, truly a sweetheart, and such a GOOD FRIEND.  I am LUCKY to know her and to get to call her a best friend.

When Jamie comes into town, it calls for a reunion.  The full team got together—Heather, Stacey, Jamie M (aka Manny), and Tara.  We acted like we were in high school all over again and everyone slept at my house.  The whole weekend was amazing but my two major highlights were:

• Jamie being Jamie brought on the plane a stack of pictures (some VERY embarrassing ones) dating back to 1985. All of us going through them at the sleepover was so fun, absurd, ridiculous, and brought back so many fun memories.  I mean, there was ZERO worries in the world back then.  I spend so much time reflecting on life before the Big C and seeing these and how much fun we had gave me such good feels.
  

  

  

  

  
• The Uber Karaoke ride to dinner where we played every song from Spice Girls to Backstreet Boys to Britney Spears to NSYNC. All of our voices are TERRIBLE, we are still altos/baritones, but that was the most fun I have had in awhile.  We are all just so ourselves with each other, and I am forever blessed to have each of you in my lives.  I mean look at the below pic to see how hard I was laughing (captured by T-Rap).

Kids and Marc came home Sunday, and Jamie was back to Iowa (so sad to see her go everytime), and I was off to chemo that Tuesday.  I was sent to round 6, AKA 75%!!!!!!!!!, feeling so good, happy, and #blessed.  I remember at the very beginning of all of this thinking about how I would feel at this exact point.  While I am so OVER IT and excited to be at 100%, it is such a victory to be here.  I imagine this is how marathon runners feel at the 20 mile mark (boy do I wish I could be one of those but running is so not my thing).   I am still in the thick of it and recovery is certainly not as easy as I was anticipating, but I can see the finish line and that is EVERYTHING.

Interestingly enough, the date was 11/7, which happens to be mine and Marc’s anniversary (how absurd!).  If you would have asked me 9 years ago how we would be spending our anniversary, NEVER would I have said at Sloan Kettering with an IV attached to my arm for 4 hours.  But what do champions do—they adjust!  9 years married, 13 years together, and we are stronger than ever before.

The night before chemo while my appetite was back to Gab we went out for a FAT MAN Italian meal at Pietro’s.  No red wine for me which is a normal given with Italian food, but that chicken parm melts in your mouth (if you have never been, you must!).  It is by far the best I have ever had and I will stick to that bold statement.

As soon as my name was called in the waiting room and I was brought to Suite 6, I knew this round had good vibes attached to it.  After all, it was round 6 in suite 6, got assigned my girl Thiery (amazing nurse!) and I had a straight view into my friend Jamie and Jon’s apartment where it said in the window “2 more to Go” (can’t thank you enough for updating that every other week for me; means so much!!).  LET’S DO IT!!!  I was in such good company. Marc of course was in tow (after all it was our big day!), Rob and Hayley (two of our BFF’s; Rob was the best man in our wedding, and Hayley is an angel!), and my Merrick girls Debbie and Ali.  Such good conversation, laughs, and honestly it flew by this time.  They must have brought good energy because this time it was a 3-hour infusion vs 6 hour (WOOHOO!), and I have no reaction whatsoever.  I love when friends from different worlds meet and mesh and that is exactly what happened here (duh, I am only friends with the best of the best!).  Fun fact, for our 5-year anniversary, Marc and I went to Napa and Rob & Hayley came.  Only fitting they came to my chemo on our anniversary too (with a huge stack of balloons!)  After all, they are family.

Taxol is VERY shocking to me, and not in a good way like a surprise birthday party where all your friends show up and buy you a gazillion tequila shots.  While it is certainly easier to handle than the Red Devil, it is not the cake walk I was expecting.  For those of you who know me really well, you know I am not a complainer.  It takes A LOT for me to admit anything is wrong (pretty much ever), and even more for me to actually admit pain or discomfort.  I am the girl in my heyyyyydayyyy that even with having the flu (Sam, please tell me you remember that night we went to Meatpacking and I had 103) or after having my wisdom teeth out (drooling out of all four corners of my mouth- HOT, I know!), I went out that night.  Well, round 6 was not my best; I know it is cumulative but this one took me a full week to recover from.  Legit (no exaggeration), EVERY single joint/bone/vertebra felt it from my jaw to my neck to my back to my legs to my toes.  I am thrilled that I only have 2 more Taxol’s and pray that it takes it easy on me the next couple of times.

I am going to end the blog post on some more fun highlights:

• Riley’s 6^th birthday was exactly what she wanted! Went a TAD overboard on gifts this year but I felt like she deserved the world especially now.  She told me it was best birthday ever and while I originally promised her a sleepover party, Riley will have to wait until we celebrate 6.5.
• Orange is the New Black—can’t stop, won’t stop. I am so late to the game BUT it’s really SO good!
• Eyebrows/Eyelashes still intact! I met with the Sloan Dermatologist and he provided me with a hair plan.  Was a super interesting appointment and learned so much!  Started taking Biotin and Biosil and using Latisse (as well as coconut oil!), and it is working; once I am done with chemo, I can start using Women’s Rogaine (never did I think those words would come out of my mouth).
• I had to shave my legs!!!! BIG DAY GUYS. That means hair is growing back (and yes, my hair started growing back! I currently look like Doug from the cartoon!).
• LetsFCancer is a great organization and I proactively reached out to see how I can get involved. They featured my story on their Insta page, and I am going to be weighing in on key topics that are of particular interest to the community such as genetic testing.  So happy I can be of help (that is why I started this blog to begin with!).  Check them out :  http://www.letsfcancer.com/
• Booked my first two real sushi meals and am so ready; I know I made it through pregnancy but I am in dire need of salmon and tuna.
• I have gotten so much outreach for those who are actively considering genetic testing. Thanks so much for letting me be a resource!  It is such a good decision and no bad could come out of it.
• Next fundraiser is for MSKCC and their Cycle for Survival; my family and I will be riding in March 2019 and will be rounding up a squad for a team. It is going to be amazing!
• Final surgery is middle of January and that is it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Doctor suggested building up immune system until then after last chemo, and returning to work after that recovery period. February 2019 it is!! CANNOT WAIT to HUSTLE again (so READY!!!).
• Got a new wig for everyday earlier this week at Galli in Great Neck. Cannot recommend this place enough!  It is Ombre, a LOB, and HOT.  Pics to follow…
• Next chemo is Tuesday, and then it is Thanksgiving, my faveeeeeee holiday EVER. Cannot wait to be with my whole family and stuff my face (hopefully I have an appetite).

Have an amazing holiday everyone, and thanks so much for all the support!  17 days until the last chemo, and cheers to whatever my “new normal” is.

XX

Gab (75%, so close to 87.5%!!!!!)